My Heart Skipped a Beat…

Posted by Jake on April 19th, 2009 filed in liberty

I teach Sociology at Cal State Long Beach.  I have a picture of Liberty in my office, and on my computer which I look at before each class.  Typically before I start my class I spend a few minutes setting up my computer which projects my lecture notes on a large screen to the class.  The background of my computer has a picture of Liberty standing next to me, at Black’s Beach, San Diego.  The day we took those pictures was such a great day.  We spent the day looking over the cliffs down to the blue waters of the Pacific Ocean.  We were laughing, joking, talking about graduate school.  We ate at one of Liberty’s vegetarian restaurants, and spent the evening relaxing in the hot tub; just hanging out. 

The other day as I was setting up for class a student stands up and with a huge smile and points to the picture of me and Liberty exclaimed: “Hey Professor, I saw your friend walking around campus today!”  I froze.  My heart skipped a beat.  For a brief moment, I believed him.  Or maybe I just really wanted to believe him.  In that moment I thought maybe that Liberty really was walking around campus.  For that second, I forgot what had happened to Liberty.  I thought that maybe this was all just some sort of bad dream.  A few more moments passed, and then it hit me, all over again, as I was just about to start my lecture.  It was then I realized that my student had mistaken Liberty for his brother Amit, who incidentally is a CSULB grad student.  I didn’t know what to say.   Fifty students were just staring at me, waiting for me to answer.   I couldn’t speak… 

I miss you Liberty, everyday.  

jake

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4 Responses to “My Heart Skipped a Beat…”

  1. Phillip Says:
    April 26th, 2009 at 10:33 am

    Right on Jake! Over a year later, we all keep coming back to this site. Why? To seek some solace, some comfort, some peace. We all miss our Brother Liberty, I know that I certainly do as well. I have Dear Liberty’s picture right here next to my desk, in the living room of my Glendora home. A day does not go by that I do not pray for Liberty’s own eternal peace.
    Earth day at Citrus College was a nice and fun event, as I helped a friend with a table we had, while giving away edible plants to curious new friends and promoting a vegetarian life style. I would not have been there and given back to the community, while teaching others what you taught me many years ago, if it were not for your life Liberty.
    And as I promote the fact that Earth Day is Everyday, not just some day in the middle of April, I think of you Liberty. Thank you for sharing your life with me. I miss you too.
    Phillip

  2. jake Says:
    April 29th, 2009 at 6:43 pm

    My man Phillip

    I will cherish our memories of hikes and the days of EAGLE. I have a great memory of you floating down the river before the Bridge to Nowhere, with boots floating and liberty diving in after you. Keep up the good work for mama earth my friend!!

  3. Matt Says:
    May 21st, 2009 at 4:36 pm

    I moved to Pomona when I was 14 or 15. Through the years I kind of lost touch with Liberty but still kept up pretty well with Amit. Although it has literally been 15 years since we really hung out, I miss him all the same and as time goes on I remember just about every time I saw his infectious smile. I never did see him without it. I remember Amit telling me about him living in a tree. If it were anybody else I would have been surprised. Not liberty! It’s hard to communicate my feelings or even figure out just why I am writing, but today I was reminded twice. When I moved to Oregon, he told me to spray paint big Xs on trees. This would save them from the loggers somehow. I saw this today on the outskirts of town and it made me remember. Later, a saw a van like the one I saw on the news that day, and I started to weep. I know liberty is in a better place watching us all and smiling with that “don’t worry it’s all going to be ok” smile, but I miss him so much. As I said before, I don’t quite why I am writing this. Maybe it is for my own healing or maybe it is to help some of you who were not as lucky as I was to know someone truly great. He made an impact on my life and I will always cherish him memory. I am always thankful to you Jake, for keeping this going and giving us a place to go and reflect and learn more about our brother.

  4. lil Says:
    July 23rd, 2009 at 9:02 pm

    Hi Jake,
    Congratulations on you position. Sorry, I have been so distant. But, I took it so hard that I just ran away and I have been on the road a little lost. It still hurts me so much. This month has been real hard. I have been very emotional and cleansing all of our pain with my tears. Liberty, however is well on his journey on the right time. It is us who still mourn and pray for his spirit. I will be back in LA for a moment and I will visit 49 Rising Hill. I do talk with them now and again over the phone, but that is kinda hard but getting better. I want to meditate in his room for a moment and remember some things. Tell Sabrina I said “Hi.” I love you folks…Lian

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